The Smashing Bride
by ElectraGoob
Summary: When sickness spreads to all the young ones in Smash Mansion, it is up to the rest of the Smashers to put together a play that will brighten everyone's spirits. Based on the Book by S. Morganstern and the movie by William Goldman The Princess Bride Zelink


Nana had not been feeling well that morning. She got up very early that morning because she couldn't sleep. She met up with her brother Popo and they made their way to the mess hall. They met up with Roy and Ness once they got there. Roy was visiting Smash Mansion with Young Link. Some of the other members of Melee Manner would come by every so often, but right now was Roy and Young Link's turn. As the four talked to one another, Popo noticed Nana itching and scratching all over. Without even realizing it, he started scratching as well. After they ate Popo and Nana went to the Smash Deck to do some training. As they got there Nana noticed Popo fidgeting. They entered the training course and the others watched from the viewing platform. When they got out Roy yelled and pointed at the two.

"The Ice Climbers have been possessed!"

The two looked at each other and gasped. They had red splotches all over themselves. As they stared at each other they began to scratch the spots. The more they itched the more showed up.

Roy grabbed Lucas, who had just shown up a few moments before, and ran for it. In an instant Popo started coughing. He coughed all over poor Ness. Ness jumped and ran for it. The three ran into Pokemon Trainer, his name is Ash, and they fell to the ground. Soon, the two Ice Climbers had caught up to them.

Nana too started coughing. She was unable to catch herself in time and she coughed all over the four children on the floor. They started screaming and Young Link and Toon Link both rushed over from the nearby room to see what was going on.

"Stay back," Ness said breathlessly, "Popo and Nana are both possessed and will eat your brains!"

The two Links looked at each other in disbelief. Soon Popo started coughing again. This time he caught the two Links in his range. The two fell back and put their hands over their faces.

"Say it, don't spray it, Popo," said Toon Link.

"Sorry, Link…"

"Oh, I don't feel well," Nana put one hand on her stomach and the other on her head.

"She's gonna BLOW!" Ash stood up and started to run, Lucas and Ness were close behind.

Roy and the Links stayed for a moment longer and then took off in a run.

The other six ran for two different reasons, both unknown to Popo and Nana. Reason one, the two did look like they were possessed; reason two, Master Hand and Tabuu both were coming up from behind them.

Popo went into another violent coughing fit as Tabuu came closer to them.

"Did you hear that, Master Hand?"

"Popo, you are very sick, think of your poor sister."

Tabuu went in front of them and saw their faces, "They are both sick."

"All right, I'll get Dr. Mario," Master Hand headed for the main entrance.

Tabuu took the two to the infirmary. "Who have you been in contact with?"

Nana looked at Popo, "Lucas, Ness, Ash, Toon Link, Young Link, and Roy."

"Oh boy."

Master Hand and Dr. Mario entered the room.

Dr. Mario took one look at them and said, "Chicken Pox."

"How long?"

"I suggest keeping them in bed for five days to a week."

"That's what she said," Master Hand said under his breath.

Tabuu his him in the back of the hand, "There are six others who have probably been infected."

"Get them in here and keep them here for at least a day longer than these two, they are very contagious at this point."

In a matter of a few minutes a flood of kids was pushed into the room and into beds by Master Hand and Tabuu.

"Stay," Master Hand Pointed to Roy as he struggled to get into the bed.

"Yes sir," he said under his breath.

"You are all going to stay here until you are better," Tabuu said quickly.

"But I don't even feel sick," Ness complained.

"Say that tomorrow," Master Hand said harshly.

And that was the end of that argument.

The smashers could tell that something was off. Zelda and Link didn't have Toon Link or Young Link meet them in the garden for their picnic. Marth and Ike couldn't find Roy anywhere for their sparing match. Pickachu, Lucario, and Jigglypuff all didn't know where Ash was. Ness and Lucas didn't show up for their card match with Pit. The Ice Climbers weren't at the Training Grounds to have their match with Meta Night.

They cornered Master Hand and Tabuu and demanded answers from them.

"Chicken Pox has hit Mansion. The eight of them are all bed ridden," said Tabuu.

"Have I had chicken pox," Ike questioned himself.

"I know I have," said Peach with a grin, "Mario gave them to me!"

"Oh yeah," said Mario reminiscing, "Summer of '82."

Ganondorf crossed his arms, "I had my shot."

"Me too," said Marth.

"I had it when I was four," said Captain Falcon.

"I had it too," said Samus.

"My sister gave it to me," said Marth.

"I had them when I was ten," said Luigi.

"That was poison ivy," said Mario, "You had the pox the same time Peach and I did."

"We're immune," said Lucario indicating the rest of the pokemon.

"Well I know for sure that I've had it," said Link with a grin.

Zelda laughed.

Soon everyone had come to the conclusion that they had the pox at some point in their lives.

"I think we should do something nice for them," said Peach sympathetically.

"I agree," said Zelda crossing her arms.

"Read the little whiners a bedtime story," Wario said nastily.

"That's it," exclaimed Peach suddenly.

"I know a very good story for them too," Zelda jumped in. "Let's see, what was that author, S. Mor, Morg, Morgern, ooh, S. Morgenstern!"

"I know that author!"

"That is a wonderful story," said Samus.

The three girls all started grinning about it.

"I know that book, it's my favorite," Marth jumped in.

"Wicked Prince."

"Beautiful Maiden"

"Pirates"

"Sword fights"

"Revenge"

"Torture"

"Death"

"Miracles"

"Epic battles"

"Spaniard!"

"Handsome men in black!"

"Despair!"

"Monsters!"

"True Love!"

The four had caught everyone's attention with their excitement. Soon they were all chatting and plotting. They decided to make it more interesting for the sick children if they put it on as a play. Everyone agreed, they would make it a play. More plotting occurred and soon everyone was ready for the weirdest and most enticing play ever put on by mankind. (Or smash-kind)

After much arguing, everyone agreed to parts. They were ready for the play. The sick ones were led to the big open space they used as a ballroom in Mansion. They invited the Melee gamers to watch them too. The left side of the room was changed completely to look like a stage. The curtain was down. The lights dimmed and Captain Falcon walked on stage.

"Inspired by the book by S. Morgenstern, and William Goldberg,"

"Goldman," a voice called quickly from off stage.

"Ooh, sorry, Goldman, the Smashers are proud to present, 'The Smashing Bride'!"

The crowd cheered.

The curtain rose to reveal Sonic sitting in a bed fiddling with a radio. He started yelling at it wildly.

"Go Red Sox, beat those Yankees!"

"The Red Sox game isn't until tomorrow son," Ganondorf entered through the door.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"What's up Grandpa?"

"Your mom called and said you were sick, so I decided to get you a present and be a Grandpa."

"A present, cool!"

Sonic took the gift and opened it. "A book," he was disappointed.

"Not just any book," Ganondorf took the book, "This is the book my father read to me when I was sick and I read it to your father. Now I'm going to read it to you."

"Well does it have any sports in it?"

"Are you kidding me? It has Fencing, piracy, kidnapping, torture, murder, impending doom, death, miracles, true love, it has the whole shebang."

"I guess you can read a little," he said leaning back in his bed, "to make you feel better."

"All right, you're sick, I'll humor you."

The stage darkened and Captain Falcon came back on stage.

"Through the course of history there have been many beautiful women. But only one of these women could be the most beautiful woman in the world. Zelda was considered to be one of these lucky women who could ever be eligible of having such a title as that."

Zelda walked on stage and kept her head down. The curtain was raised and she walked onto the set. (This is a stinking elaborate set because they have the money for it) Zelda was in a small village.

"Zelda was a simple farm girl who loved to ride horses and looking at the beautiful countryside. Every day she would take her horse out for a ride. Over the years she grew even more beautiful. Some people said that if she actually tried, she would be the most beautiful woman in the world without a doubt. You see, she never liked to fawn over her looks like other girls. She much rather spend her days going out and doing her chores and riding her horse and pestering the farm-boy."

"Farm-boy," Zelda said walking up to the farm-boy, "wash down my horse and polish my saddle, I want to see my face shining in it by morning."

"As you wish."

That was all he ever said, 'As you wish.'

"Farm-boy," Zelda rushed up to him with a bucket.

The farm-boy only stood and watched her.

"Fill this with water and take it to the cows."

"As you wish."

As the days went on, the more she realized that every time he said 'As you wish,' he was actually saying 'I love you.' And as the days went by, she found that she loved him back.

One day as he was putting wood in the kitchen Zelda could not stand it.

"Farm-boy," she said turning suddenly.

The farm-boy turned and looked at her.

"Fetch me that pitcher," she indicated one right next to her head.

The farm-boy walked up to her and moved in close, "As you wish."

The farm-boy's name was Link. And the two fell in love very quickly. Link did not have enough money to marry her. He decided to go out and find fortune in distant lands.

"But what if something happens to you," Zelda pleaded.

"Listen to me, I will always come for you," he reassured.

"How can you be sure," Zelda's heart was breaking.

"This is true love; do you think this happens every day?"

Link gave her a kiss and left to find fortune on the seas.

Days went by and soon Zelda's world fell into ruin. They received word that the Dread Pirate Bowser attacked the ship Link was on. And everyone knows that he never takes prisoners. Out of despair Zelda locked herself in her room and refused to come out. She remained there for three days without food or sleep. She intended to remain there for the rest of her life. She was coaxed out finally. From then on she only focused on how she looked. She knew that Link would not want her to destroy herself and she wanted to look her best for him. She washed every day and brushed her hair. There was not a doubt in anyone's mind now. She was the most beautiful woman in the world. But under the beauty was a sour and broken heart.

"I will never love again."

One day the Count came to the family's little ranch. Count Meta only had to take one look at Zelda's beauty and he was vexed. Before he left that night he told her that the Prince might just favor her for his new bride.

Zelda never responded.

The Prince requested to see this maiden not long after the Count met her. Zelda went to the palace not knowing what to expect. Prince Marth was enticed by her beauty right away. He immediately asked for her hand in marriage. The next day she was presented to her people.

"My people, as you know, we will be celebrating our 100th birthday in a few months. At that time I will marry. I have chosen one of our own for my bride. I present to you now, the Princess Zelda."

Zelda heard the fanfare and stepped out into the crowd. They knelt and kissed her hands and cheered. She forced a small smile.

She was never truly happy. The only happiness she got was from her daily ride out in the forest just outside the castle. One day she rode off same as usual. She soon was at her turning point. She was miles away from any civilization and liked the calmness of the forest around her. That would soon change.

As she rode on she met three men in the woods.

"My good men," she said stopping her horse, "What brings you out into such a lonely place as this?"

"My lady," the leader said, "We are but poor circus folk that have lost our way, is there a town nearby?"

"I apologize but there isn't another town for miles."

"Good," one of the men stepped close to her and reached for her neck, "then no one will hear you scream."

Zelda froze, the man squeezed her neck and she blacked out.

The three men went to a ship along with her horse. The tallest of the men put Zelda in the ship. The leader was putting a piece of cloth on the saddle.

"Fox," said the one with the girl, "do you think this will work?"

"Nonsense, Ike, when the people find the Princess' horse without her and this piece of Gilderean uniform on the saddle, the people will surly go to war with us."

"Do you think they would suspect?"

"It would be inconceivable."

"I don't think it will work," said the third.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said that I don't think tha—"

"No," interrupted Fox, "I did not hire you to think, I hired you because of your strength and skill, Falco. So just shut up."

The group were quickly getting the ship ready to set sail.

The tall one walked up to Falco. "Fox can sure make a fuss."

"Fuss, fuss, maybe that's why he yells at us."

"I'm sure he doesn't mean much harm."

"It doesn't explain his lack of charm."

"See you have a gift of rhyme."

"I do it all the time."

"Enough of that."

"Falco, are there rocks ahead?"  
"If there are, we'll all be dead!"

"No more rhymes now I mean it!"

"Anybody want a peanut?"

"Gaaaaah," Fox screamed.

Later that night they were moving at a steady pace. Zelda was awake and tied up now and they all sat ready to get to Gilder and kill her and go on their merry way.

Zelda was growing more and more restless.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Fox.

"Stop looking behind us."

"Are you sure no one is following us," asked Ike.

"It would be inconceivable. No one knows where the Princess is, let alone where we are. It's almost over."

Ike nodded and looked back again.

"Stop doing that."

"Are you sure no one is following us?"

"I told you it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable."

Ike took his word for it.

"Just out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

"No reason, it's just I looked behind us and something is there."

"What?"

The two stand and look to the back of the ship to see the thing Ike saw.

"It's probably just a fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel infested waters," Fox tried to reassure his men.

Zelda took her chance. She dove into the water and tried to swim back to shore. Too bad for her she didn't hear Fox say that the waters were infested with eels.

"Go in, get after her!" Fox was jumping around trying to figure out what to do.

"I don't swim," said Ike matter-of-factly.

Fox looked to Falco.

"I only birdie paddle."

"Gaaaaaah," he screamed once again. "Veer Left!"

Zelda was about ten feet away when she heard something in the distance.

"Do you know what that sound is Highness?"

Zelda turned back to Fox who was sitting on the side of the boat calmly.

"Those are the shrieking eels. Don't worry, they only grow louder when they are about to feed."

Zelda heard their cries grow louder and louder. She looked all around her. She saw something moving in the water not five yards away. She froze not knowing what to do. She could either be eaten by the merciless eels and die, or be killed by these men who just might have a change in heart. The eel drew closer to her and she held her breath not knowing if she would ever breathe again.

The lights on the stage turned off and Ganondorf and Sonic were a little ways to the left.

"You know she doesn't get eaten."

"What?"

"Well, I'm explaining because you look nervous."

"I wasn't nervous," Sonic wiped some sweat off his face.

"I can stop if you want."

"No, you can keep reading if you want."

"All right. Let's see, 'Those are the shrieking eels'

"You read that already."

"Oh, I did didn't I. Alright, she was in the water she heard the eels, the eels started to charge her and then…"

Falco shot the eel with his gun and pulled the princess into the ship once again.

"Keep going," called Fox as he kneeled next to the princess.

"I think he's gaining," said Ike from behind.

"He's no concern of ours." Fox looked at the princess, "I suppose you think you're brave."

"Only compared to some," said Zelda breathlessly.

By morning the four could see the boat that was following them more clearly.

"Look at that," called Ike, "He's right on top of us. I wonder if he's using the same wind as we are using."

"Whoever he is, he's too late. See," Fox pointed right ahead of them, "the Cliffs of Insanity! While we are climbing to the top he will have to spend time looking for a port. By then we will be long gone."

The four all got to the base of the cliff. Ike was the only one with strong enough arms to carry all four to the top. Falco put a harness on him and Zelda was put on a little sling to hold her in. The other two got in slings as well and Ike started his climb. Zelda closed her eyes and never opened them. She clung to Ike for dear life.

The entire time the other ship drew closer to the cliffs. Soon the ship was at the base of the cliffs and the man in the ship was out and climbing the rope after them.

"He's climbing the rope," said Falco quickly, "and he's gaining."

"Inconceivable. Faster, Ike."

"I thought I was going faster."

"I thought you were this strong legendary man. I thought you were something great. And yet he gains."

"Well I am carrying three people. He only has himself."

"I will not accept excuses. I will just have to find a new strong man."

"Don't say that Fox. Please."

They continued to climb. The man below was slowly gaining on them still.

"Have I made it clear that your job is at stake?"

They made it to the top at last. Falco helped everyone up to the top and Ike got out of the harness. Fox wasted no time in going and cutting the rope. The rope slid over the side of the cliff and down below. The men all looked over the side.

"He's climbing the rocks," said Falco.

"He didn't fall? Inconceivable."

Ike looked over at Fox, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"The reason he follows is because he has seen us with the Princess and must, therefore, die. You," he pointed to Falco, "get the girl, you," he pointed to Ike, "finish him, if he falls, whoopee, if he doesn't stab him."

"I will fight him two handed."

"I don't care as long as he dies."

The three made their way to the Gilder frontier.

Ike practiced fighting with both hands. He walked over to the cliff side and called down.

"Hello there."

No reply.

"Slow going?"

"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this takes a lot of concentration and time so if you don't mind."

"Sorry," he walked away for a second, and back again, "I don't suppose you could speed things up?"

"If you are so vehement on getting me up here you could at least lower a rope, or a tree branch or find something better to do with your time."

"That I can do, I have some rope, but I wouldn't think that you would accept my help seeing as though I am only waiting up here to kill you."

"That does put a sour note for our relationship."

"I could promise I would not kill you until you reach the top?"

"No."

"I could give you my word as a Crimean?"

"I've known too many Crimeans."

"Can't I do something to make you trust me?"

"Nothing comes to mind."

"I swear on the grave of my father Greil, you will make it up here alive."

"Throw me the rope."

Ike threw the rope down and helped the man up. He wore nothing but black and wore a mask that covered all but his mouth and eyes. As he was pulled up he said thank you weakly. He stood and drew his sword.

"Not yet, just catch your breath first."

"Again, I thank you." The man sat down and removed his boot. He let about ten rocks fall from his boot to the ground.

"I do not mean to pry, but do you have six fingers on your right hand?"

"Do you start every conversation like this?"

"It's just that my father was murdered by a man with two fingers on his right hand."

The man in black raised his right hand to Ike.

Ike nodded and looked to the ground, "My father was a great swordsman and an even better sword maker. The two fingered man had heard of my father's greatness and came to him and asked him for a sword." Ike pulled his sword out of the hilt and showed it to the man.

"I've never seen one as beautiful."

"When the man came back he demanded it, but for a tenth of the asking price. My father refused. So, the man slaughtered my father right there, right in front of me."

"How old were you?"  
"I was eleven. I immediately challenged him to a battle. I failed. But the man gave me these scars to remind me forever of my defeat," he pointed to either side of his face. "From that day on I studied swordplay. That way, the next time we meet, I will not fail. But, when we do meet, I will say, 'Hello, my name is Ike from Crimean, you killed my father, prepare to die.'"

"You've only studied swordplay?"

"More like pursue than study. I only work for Fox to pay the bills, not much money in the revenge business."

"Well, I hope you find him one day. Shall we start?"

"Indeed."

Ike pulled out the sword once again and held it in both hands. The man in black took his sword out too and held it steady in his right hand. And the two began.

The battle was one of great skill and trickery. Ike slashed at his opponent wildly. The man in black eluded the blows quickly and skillfully. The two went all over the rocky terrain. The man in black soon had Ike cornered.

"You are about to be defeated and still you smile?"

"That is because I know something you don't know."

"Oh, and what is that?"

"I can hold my sword with only one hand."

Ike punched the man away and began to fight with one hand on his sword. The great blade fell on his enemy with great force.

"Surly you are a force to be reckoned with."

"Indeed, but even in the face of utter destruction you still smile."

"That is because I know something you don't know either."

"Oh, please tell me."

"I am not right handed. Oh, and I have a shield."

"Very good."

The fight commenced and soon Ike was disarmed and on his knees. "Please," he pleaded, "kill me quickly."

"I'd sooner destroy a stained glass window than kill an artist like you. But because I cannot have you following me," he struck Ike in the back of the head, knocking him out.

The man in black raced toward the Gilder frontier.

Fox and Falco both watched as the man in black made his way toward them.

"Inconceivable. You take him out. And do it your way," Fox grabbed the Princess and began to make his way further toward the frontier.

"What is my way?"

"You sit behind that boulder and when he comes by you shoot him."

Falco watched as Fox continued away from him.

"My way isn't very sportsmanlike." Falco took his gun in hand and walked behind the boulder.

Not too long after that the man in black came out from behind the boulder. Falco shot right by his head. The man pulled his sword out and looked at the shooter.

"You know I could have killed you just now."

"I believe you. But why didn't you."

"I wanted you to have a chance."

"Once again, I believe you. So now what?"

"We fight, no weapons, just our bodies."

"Are there any other options?"

"I could just kill you now," Falco raised his gun to shoot.

"I think I like my chances with my first option."

"Alright."

The two put their weapons down. The man in black ran to Falco. Falco flapped his wings and took off. The man in black was holding onto his legs.

"Now what?"

"I guess I have to get down."

"I suppose so."

Falco landed and the man in black jumped on his back and placed his arms around Falco's neck.

"This would be so much easier if there were more of you."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I haven't fought just one person in a long time."

"So wouldn't this be easier?"

"No. You use different moves on different amounts of people. I have fought so many people for so long that I have forgotten the moves that you would use on only one person." Falco was trying to get the man off his back but was running out of air quickly as the man pushed against his throat. "I do not see why people think I am not very smart, I can think through strategies and use them in battle and win. But Fox does not think I can do that on my own."

"Why do you suppose that is?"

"Well, I'm not exactly the fastest person in the world."

"Why should that make a difference?"

"If I'm not quick, no one will listen," Falco fell to his knees and passed out.

The man in black stood and checked his pulse, still beating.

"You do fight well my good man, sleep long and sleep well. I do apologize for your headache when you wake up."

The man in black made his way toward Fox and the Princess.

In the mean time, Prince Marth and Count Meta and a few others were at the top of the Cliffs of Insanity. Marth, being an expert tracker followed the steps of the dual. He came to the conclusion that the looser went off in one direction and the other went toward where the Princess went.

"I am sure that Gilder is to blame. Come, we must find her before they finish the job."

Back to the Princess, she was now tied up and blindfolded. Se held her breath as she listened to someone come up to her. The figure held something to her neck. She held her breath as she heard another figure approach.

"Don't come any closer," Fox commanded.

"Let me explain," the man started.

"Take another step closer and I blow her head off," the object was jabbed into her neck even harder. Zelda gasped. "There we go."

"Please," said the man again.

"No time for trivialities. I know why you're here. You want what I've rightfully stolen. And now you wish to face me in order to get her. I know that I am no match for your strength, but you are no match for my brains."

"You're that smart?"

"Let me put it like this, you know Aristotle, Socrates, Plato?"

"Yes."

"Morons."

"Then let us have a battle of the wits."

"You against me?"

He nodded.

"To the death?"

He nodded again.

"I accept."

"Wonderful, then pour the wine."

"Inhale this but do not touch," the man held out a small vile and handed it to Fox.

"I smell nothing."

"What you do not smell is called iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, and dissolves instantly in any liquid. One drink of this and you will die in a few moments."

The man took the glasses and hid them for a moment. When Fox saw them again the powder vile was empty.

"Now," he put the vile down with the glasses, "where is the powder? The battle of wits has begun, it ends when you decide and we both drink. Then we will find out who is right, and who is dead."

"But it's so simple. All I have to do is devise from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."

"You've made your decision then?"  
"Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."  
"Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."

"Wait 'til I get going! Now, where was I?"  
"Australia."

"Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."  
"You're just stalling now."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."  
"You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work."  
"IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!"  
"Then make your choice."  
"I will, and I choose," Fox looked up and pointed suddenly, "What in the world can that be?"  
As the man in black turned and looked at what was being pointed Fox switched the goblets.  
"What? Where? I don't see anything."  
"Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours." The two took their goblets. Fox watched as the man smoothly took the cup and drank. Likewise, Fox took a long drink fro his.  
"You guessed wrong," the man said pointing at Fox.  
"You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is "never get involved in a land war in Asia" - but only slightly less well-known is this: "Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line"! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha..." Fox fell over dead.  
The man in black went to the Princess and took her blindfold off. He then proceeded to untie her.

"So the poison was in your glass the entire time?"

"No, they both had poison in them. I had spent the last three years building up an immunity to iocane powder."

"Who are you?"

"I am no one to be messed with, that's all you ever need to know."

The man in black lifted Zelda so she was his height. The two set off on their own.

Prince Marth was near where Falco fell against the man in black.

"Someone has beaten a bird. There will be great suffering in Gilder if she dies."

He jumped on his horse and made his way to the Plains of Gilder with his men.

The man in black and Zelda ran across rocky terrain for a long time. The man threw Zelda against a rock.

"Catch your breath."

Zelda sat up and held onto her dress, "If you release me, whatever you ask for in ransom you'll get it. I promise you."

The man in black only laughed, "And what is that worth to me, the promise of a woman, highness, you make me laugh."

"I was giving you a chance to have your life spared. Prince Marth is an expert hunter; he can find a small beast in the worst of winter storms. He could easily find you."

"You think your love can save you?"

"I never said he was my love. And yes, he will find me."

"You admit you do not love your fiancé."

"It is true, I will not deny it. Even he knows I do not love him."

"You mean are not capable of loving."

Zelda stood and faced him. She was a foot away from him, "I have loved more than a killer like you could ever even dream!"

She was struck across the face.

"That was a warning. Where I come from there are worse penalties for when a woman lies."

The man grabbed Zelda's arm and pulled her deeper into the rocky land.

Marth held the vile up to his nose and sniffed.

"Iocane, I bet my life on it. And there," he pointed off toward the mountains, "are the princess's footprints. She is alive, or was an hour ago. If she is not, I shall be very pissed off." He swung himself onto his horse and they made their way toward the mountains.

The man in black threw Zelda toward a rock once again.

"Rest Highness."

"I know who you are, your cruelty explains everything."

"Oh, and who am I," he said leaning against a boulder.

"You're the Dread Pirate Bowser, admit it."

"With pride," he bowed and crossed his arms, "What may I do for you?"

"You can die slowly cut into a thousand pieces."

He clicked his tongue, "hardly complimentary. Why spew your venom at me?"

"You killed my love," she stared hard at his face.

"It's possible; I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours, another Prince like this one, ugly, rich, scabby?"

"No," she said suddenly, "a farm boy, poor. Poor and perfect," he eyes glased over in memories, "with eyes like the sea after a storm," she woke from her dream, "On the high seas your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Bowser never takes prisoners."

The man sat down a short distance away, "Can't afford to make any exceptions. I mean, once word leaks out that a pirate as gone soft no one listens to you. Then, it's work, work, work all the time."

"You mock my pain!"

"Life is pain; anyone who tries to tell you differently is trying to sell you something."

Zelda turned away.

"I remember this farm-boy of yours," he continued rising, "This would be what, five years ago? Does it upset you to hear?"

"Nothing you can say will upset me."

"He died well, that should please you. No bribes or crying. He simply said 'please, please I must live.' It was the please that caught my memory. I asked him what was so important. 'True love,' he says. Then he told me of a girl with beauty unlike any other, I can only guess that he meant you. You should thank me for destroying him before he found out what you really are."

Zelda stood and faced him again, "And what am I?"

"Faithfulness, your enduring faithfulness; that is what he spoke of. Now tell me, did you get engaged to your Prince that same hour or did you wait a whole week out of respect of the dead?"

"You mocked me once," Zelda said taking another step toward him, "never do it again! I died that day," she screamed.

Before anything else was said the sound of horses was heard in the distance. The man in black turned to see the Prince and his followers hot on their trail.

As his back was turned Zelda took her chance.

"You can die too for all I care!" She pushed him over the cliff side. It was a steep fall and chances of survival were slim.

As the man in black fell he called out to her, "As… you… wish!"

The words rang in her ears like a painful memory. She knew who was hiding under the mask.

"Oh, my dearest Link what have I done?"

Zelda lifted her skirts and jumped down with him. She could only think that dying by his side was far better than living without him.

The two went rolling down the cliff side. Zelda's body ached from every hit as she passed rocks and barely missed trees. She kept her eyes on Link as he rolled to the bottom of the hill as well.

Marth had lost sight of the two. "They've seen us, which may account for his panicking and falling into error. We must corner him. If I am right, they are headed into the fire swamp."

The two reached the bottom of the cliff. Zelda lay staring up at the sky. She was sore, but alive. She was not sure of Link's state. She soon knew when he had both arms around her.

"Can you move at all?"

"Move," she said weakly, "you're alive! If you want I can fly."

They hugged and Zelda let out tears of joy.

"Why didn't you wait for me," Link wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Well," Zelda began, "you were dead."

"Death cannot stop true love," he stroked her head, "all it can do is delay it for a while."

"I will never doubt again."

"There will never be a need."

Since the invention of the kiss, five have been rated the most passionate, the most pure, this one left them far behind in the dust. Soon the two raced along the ravine floor.

Link looked up to see the horses at the top of the cliff. *Author's Note~ This is where that phrase, or group of phrases, was put in the book. I will be trying to follow as closely to the book and movie as possible bear with me =]~*

"Ha, your pig fiancé is too late. A few more steps and we'll be safe within the Fire Swamp."

"We'll never survive in there."

"Nonsense, you only say that because no one ever has!"

Within the depths of the swamp the two could see huge trees, vines, and danger lurking around every corner. Zelda could hear the sounds of beasts ready to charge them and eat them if they ever got the chance.

"Not so bad," Link said in attempt to calm his love.

Zelda looked to him in disbelief.

"Well, I'm not saying I want to build our summer home here, but the trees are quite lovely."

As he looked at her, Zelda stared at him in shock. Link moved on into the swamp with Zelda under his protective arm. In a few moments they heard a popping noise. They looked at each other for a moment and took a few steps forward. Soon a great pillar of fire rose up almost directly under Zelda's foot. Her dress caught fire and she screamed in terror. Link took her by the arms and set her down. He snuffed out the flame with the other parts of her dress. He stood her up once again.

"Well, that was an adventure. Were you burnt?"

She shook her head, "You?"

"No."

They continued walking. They soon heard the popping noise again. Link grabbed Zelda's arms and swung her around. Just as she was on his left side another pillar of fire burst up from the place she was just standing.

Zelda stared at the place and sighed.

"One thing about the Fire Swamp is clear; it keeps you on your toes."

Zelda held his arm and they pressed on.

Link pulled out his sword and began hacking vines away as they moved on.

"This will soon be a happy memory. We shall get to the Dread Pirate Bowser's ship _Revenge_ and we will be on our merry way."

"I don't understand. For Bowser has been pillaging for twenty years and you only left me five years ago."

"I myself am often surprised by the story." He pulled Zelda away from another fire geyser. "You see, the story I told you is true. It is because I said please that he let me live. He kept me with him as cabin boy. Every day he would say the same thing. 'Good work, sleep well, I might kill you in the morning.' For a year he said that, soon I learned the way of the sword and Bowser began to trust me. Then one day he called me to his cabin. 'I'm not the dread pirate Bowser,' he said. My name is Donkey Kong. I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Bowser. As you too will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Bowser either. His name was Olimar. The real Dread Pirate Bowser has been retired fifteen years and is living the good life over in the Mushroom Kingdom. He then told me that it was the name that inspired the fear from others. You see, no one would be afraid of the Dread Pirate Link. (Up for debate) So we sailed to shore, took on a new crew, and he stayed on board the ship for a while as first mate calling me Bowser. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Bowser ever since. Except now that I have you again, I will retire and hand over the title to a new man. Is everything clear to you?"

Zelda listened quietly the entire time. At the end she nodded, lowered her eyebrows and took a step forward. She immediately sunk into lightning sand. Link took no time to think. He pulled out a vine and dove in after her.

Zelda felt like she was falling forever. She remembered Link told her that if she ever fell into lightning sand she was to spread her arms out and try to make herself fall as slowly as possible. In the mean time Link was pushing deeper into the sand to catch up to her. He reached out and found something. It was a bony arm. He knew it was a dead man so he tossed it aside and pushed on. He soon found her. They both were out of breath and needed to get to the top as fast as possible. Zelda held onto Link's neck and shoulders and Link pulled on the vine and made their way back up. It seemed like ages to them until they reached the surface.

Zelda got out and pulled Link to safety. She then collapsed and coughed out sand. They both gasped for air and lied on the ground trying to forget the horrors of the lighting sand.

Zelda could not cry but she held Link in her arms and tried not to anyway. Link saw a horrid sight as he held her in his arms, but said nothing.

"We might as well die here. There is no hope for us to succeed."

"But we have already succeeded," Link said helping her up.

Zelda looked at him in dismay.

"What are the three dangers of the fire swamp? One, the Flame Spurt, no problem. There is a popping sound before each burst, we can avoid that easily. Two, the lightning sand, which you were clever enough to discover."

"Link," Zelda grabbed his arm tighter, "what about the R.O.U.S.'s?"

"Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist."

Just as he said that one jumped out from behind a tree and pinned Link to the ground.

"Seriously, you guys are just as annoying as Dodongos."

He struggled to get his sword because he dropped it when he was attacked. Zelda started kicking at the creature but it would not get off. The thing bit Link in the arm and Zelda's eyes grew wide as he screamed in pain. He got the creature off of him and he struggled to his sword. Just before he reached it Zelda screamed.

"Link!"

Link turned to see the monster lunge at Zelda and get a hold of her leg. She fell to the ground and started furiously kicking the creature in the head. It would not let go. Link wrestled it off Zelda and the two were soon rolling on the ground. Zelda heard the popping noise off to her left.

"Link!"

Link rolled with the creature one more time and stopped on top of the Spurt just as it blew. The creature was burnt badly. Link took his chance and grabbed his sword and stabbed the monster three times until it stopped moving. As soon as he finished he turned to Zelda who was out of breath and terrified.

Thankfully they faced no more ROUS's from that point on. But it wasn't the end of their struggles in the Fire Swamp.

That evening they finally emerged from the swamp. Beaten, but not defeated. Link had many injuries and Zelda was bruised and a little burnt. But they were both alive and together.

Zelda let out a sigh of relief as soon as she saw the light from the sun, even though it was setting.

"We did it," she said breathlessly.

The two looked at each other lovingly and leaned in to kiss. Just as they did they heard horses approach. Link drew his sword and put his arm around Zelda's shoulders.

"Surrender," said Marth riding up to the two.

"You wish to surrender? Very well, I accept."

"Very funny, now surrender."

The two argued over surrendering for some time. Zelda watched as archers surrounded them, she knew there was no chance of escape without him dying.

"I tell you one last time, surrender!"

"Death first!"

"Will you promise not to hurt him," Zelda screamed.

"What?"

"What!"

"If we surrender, do you promise not to hurt him?"

Marth was taken aback at her concern for this man who kidnapped her. After much thought he obliged, "May I live a thousand years and never hunt again."

"He is a sailor on the Pirate Ship _Revenge_ promise me you will take him to his ship!"

"I swear it will be done."

Zelda turned to Link. She could tell that his heart was breaking, and so was her own.

"I almost lost you once. I couldn't bear it then; I won't be able to bear it again knowing that I can save you."

The next thing Link knew she was being taken away from him in Marth's arms. He was led to Count Meta.

"We must get you to your ship."

Link was not fooled. "We are men of action. Lies do not become us."

"Well spoken my good man."

Link was put in chains. As he was arrested his eyes fell onto the Count's right hand.

"What is it?"

"You have two fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you."

He saw and knew nothing else for he was immediately knocked out by the Count.

The next thing he knew he was on a table with a little man looking over him and dressing his wounds.

Link looked at the little man dressing his wounds. He wore a green hat with an "L" in the middle. His mustache was rather humorous to look upon.

"Where am I?"

"The Pita' of Despair," he cleared his throat, "don't even thinka' of escapinga' only The Princea', the Counta', and Weegee know how to get in anda' out."

"I can compare you to those annoying Americans who keep invading England, stupid Italian," he said under his breath.

The little man continued to dress his wounds.

"So what am I going to do? Stay in prison here until I die?"

"Not quite," the man said taking a drink of some wine that he had brought down earlier. "You see," he continued, "you are going to stay down here until we kill you."

Link twitched his finger a little as he thought, "So I am to be tortured?"

The man nodded.

"I can cope with torture."

The man disagreed.

"You think I cannot?"

"Youa' survived the fire-swamp, you must bea' very brave, but the Count himself has tolda' me that no one will survive down here fora' very long as soon as he finishes his project."

Link closed his eyes for a second trying to take it all in, "So why bother curing me?"

"Thea' count alaways likes having his victims at their highest ofa' health before he begins the torture."

Nothing more was said for the rest of the night. But this is for more than one reason.

The Count was indeed working on a project that would be absolutely terrible for all of mankind to know about. It had taken him over half a lifetime to complete. That night, he was ready to begin the testing. Because Link was not yet strong enough to be tortured, they took one of the many creatures from the floors above them.

You see, dearest friend, the Pit of Despair was called by such a deplorable name because of the floors above our poor prisoner. As all the people of Florin know, for that is the country Marth and Zelda are prince and princess of, that Marth is indeed an excellent hunter. But he grew tired of having to hunt the same creatures over and over again. He wished to challenge himself more and more. So, he had the Pit of Despair built.

It was a Pit that was ten floors deep, eleven including Link's knew home. Each level had a different level of difficulty in creatures. The first level was easy, the tenth, the most difficult of them all. If one wished to get to the level below, he would have to be able to make it to the other side of the level they were on at the moment and continue through a door. Unfortunately for him, he would either be killed on the way there by the many creatures that roam free in the large floors or he would be faced with a locked door left locked by a careless or even overly frightened servant. But unknown to most people in Florin, there was a secret entrance to the very lowest of floors off to the side of the green house in the castle garden. For it was no more than ten yards away from said garden that the official entrance to the Pit of Despair.

Back in the castle Zelda walked slowly from room to room. Every chance she got she looked out the window toward the sea. She longed for her love to be sailing back for her in order to sweep her of her feet and they go into hiding somewhere else forever.

She spoke to no one, which many people found to be very strange of her. They would ask the Prince what was wrong. His reply was always the same.

"She is upset for my father's failing health."

Once again, dear friend, King Mario was very old. He had become very senile and a bother altogether. Only Queen Peach could stand to be around him anymore. He had lost his hearing for the most part no more than two years ago. He went around the castle with one hand to his ear for months until Prince Marth ordered he stay in the throne room. For it was also around this time that he began to forget himself and where he was. Zelda had always shown concern for him. Now Marth was certain that this was the cause for her depression.

That night a terrible cry was heard throughout the kingdom. It was the sound like a poor crazed pig screaming for its life. No one in the kingdom, not even prince Marth, knew what evil lied under the tenth floor of the Pit.

Link lied in his cell listening to the creature no more than a few yards away as it screamed in horror and pain. He soon saw the little man run along with the pig in a wheelbarrow a few minutes after the screaming finally stopped. As he came back the Count spoke to him.

"One day I may try to go as high as five, but for now I will worry about keeping it at one. Who knows, this young man may push me to go that high."

As the months drew on until the wedding, gifts came in for the two. Parties were thrown, people offered their congratulations, and Zelda grew deeper in her depression.

One sorrowful night, King Mario died. Not before sunrise, Zelda and Marth were married. By noon the next morning, Zelda met her people once again, this time, as their Queen.

"My father's final words were,"

"Stop, that's not right," Sonic sat up in bed and grabbed the book.

"What do you mean," Grandpa grabbed the book once more.

"She doesn't marry that goon Marth," he said with a huff.

"I don't understand?"

"Get the story right, stop messing it up!"

"Do you want me to read this?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright, 'By noon the next morning she met her people once again, this time, as their Queen,"

"My father's final words were, 'love her as I loved her, and there will be joy.' So it is with joy that I present to you your new Queen, Queen Zelda."

The crowd cheered as Zelda walked out to her people. Everyone bowed and some kissed her hand.

She suddenly heard a strange voice from out in the crowd.

"Boo, boo, boo!"

"Why do you do this, dear friend?"

A small pink faced, blue eyed shorty stepped out from behind someone in the crowd.

"Because you had love in your hands, and you treated it like filth."

"But they would have killed Link if I hadn't saved him."

"Your true love lives, and you marry another. True love saved you in the fire swamp, and you treated it like garbage. So bow down if you want. Bow down to her, bow. Bow to the queen of slime, the queen of filth, the queen of putrescence; boo, boo, boo!"

Every word tore through Zelda from every angle. She breathed hard and wanted to scream for all she was worth. She sat up in bed and whispered only one word, "Link."

It was ten days until the wedding; Zelda's nightmares were getting worse by the night. She knew one thing was true, she loved Link. She had to put a stop to the madness before she went mad herself.

"See, I told you that she would never marry that looser," Sonic jumped in.

"Yes, you're very smart, shut up."

She rushed into the Prince's chambers where he sat looking at maps.

"It comes to this," she said entering, "I love Link. I always have. And if I must marry you in ten days, know now that you will truly find me dead by the morrow."

"This Link you speak of?"

"The sailor on the pirate ship _Revenge_."

"Ah, yes."

The prince sat at his seat for a moment looking at a map. His eyes were glazed over. He then looked back up at her. Zelda's eyes began to fill with tears as she began to fear his refusal. Marth stood and walked over to her.

"I could never cause you grief, dear lady."

Zelda sighed in relief.

"Consider our wedding off," he turned to the Count, who stood quietly in the corner of the room. "You returned this, Link, to his ship?"

"Yes," he said quietly.

"Then we shall tell him immediately. But, beloved, are you sure he even wants you now? I mean it was you who did the leaving in the Fire swamp."

"My Link will always come for me."

"Very well," he seemed to be trying to come up with a way to alert this man.

"I've got it," he said clapping his hands, "you right four copies of a letter. I'll send my four fastest ships, one in each direction, run up the white flag, and deliver your message. I do recall that the ship _Revenge_ belongs to the Dread Pirate Bowser, so we must be careful. But I also know that he is close to Florin this time of year. So he will most surly get your message and return. That is, if he wants you."

"Link will never be far when he knows I need him."

"Well, if he does return, bless you both, if not, please, consider me a positive alternative to suicide? Is it a deal?"

Zelda nodded in agreement and left the room quickly.

As soon as Link was healed from his wounds, the Count ordered the little man to put him on the table and prepare him for the machine.

"Luigi, get him ready for tonight, I must meet with the Prince for a few moments."

Luigi nodded and grabbed the keys off the wall and ran to the other side of the room where Link sat watching him in silence.

Up above ground Count Meta met with Prince Marth in the garden.

"Your princess is indeed a wonderful creature, a little simple for my taste, but still."

"Yes my people do love her so dearly. It is very strange. When I hired Fox to kill her on our engagement day I thought that was ever so brilliant. But you know, it will be far more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Gilder is blamed, the people will be outraged and we will have no other choice but to go to war."

"Much like the Helen of Troy, Sire."

"Indeed, it was my favorite story growing up. I was quite fond of how it was Achilles and his friends from Greece who won against the Trojans. I find myself to be more like the clever Odysseus in coming up with the plans and schemes. But you, my dear friend, are the Achilles of all my plans. You must be the strength to put my plans into action."

"Yes, sire."

"Let's just hope," he said turning away from Count Meta, "you have no Achilles heel that will ever hinder me from accomplishing my goal."

"No, sire."

As Marth turned to go the Count shot in one last comment.

"I am starting Link on The Machine tonight, would you like to come and watch?"

"You know I love watching you work. But with my country's 100th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Gilder to frame for it, I'm swamped."

The Count reached for the Prince's shoulder, "Get some rest. Without your health, you haven't got anything."

The two smiled wickedly at each other. They both knew that the night was going to bring joy to those two alone.

Luigi wheeled the table into the small room not too far away from Link's cell. Count Meta watched silently, intrigued, as Luigi started putting suction cups onto the new subject. They went everywhere. They went under his eyelids, into his mouth, on his feet, to the point that there was hardly any skin showing whatsoever. Count Meta took the chance to tell his new subject what was about to happen.

"You see, the concept of the suction cup has been around for ages. I am bringing it to a whole new level. As the machine allows the water to flow through it, the gears will turn and in return, the cups will begin to suck. But, instead of sucking water, I'll be sucking something more valuable to you."

He did not explain any further. As soon as the cups were attached he walked over to a lever with a range of numbers on it from 0-50. He took the lever and raised it to 1. The water began to flow and the machine began to work.

His victim shut his eyes and thought of only one thing. He saw her smiling and taking his hand.

"Don't think about it," she whispers in his ear, "I'm here and I will take the place of the pain."

She takes him to a field and they dance in the wildflowers. She laughs as he trips over his feet. She takes his hands and pulls him close. She runs her fingers through his hair. She kisses him gently on the lips. He opens his eyes to see her pulling away.

"I'll see you again," she takes a step back, "you will always come for me, and I will be here for you."

The machine stops.

"Once again," Count Meta says walking over to a desk, "the suction cup has been around for years, but instead of sucking water, I'm sucking something more important to you." He sat down and picked up a pen, "I'm sucking life."

The Prisoner held his breath as he heard the words. The pain was enough to make you feel like he just stole your very life away from you.

"Now," he leaned over toward his victim, "I would like to record the effects of the machine on you." He looked down at his paper and then back at the man. "Oh, and this is for posterity's sake, so please, be honest. How do you feel?"

The pain was still very great, his chest felt as if it had a thousand pounds on it, pushing. His fingers burned as if they were stuck in fire, the hottest of all fires. His head pounded and throbbed, the pain never truly let up. He let out a cry of pain and the tears fell onto the table.

"Interesting," The Count said writing something down on the papers in front of him.

The continuous torture continued for seven days. All the while, the poor distressed prisoner would close his eyes and see his love. She was always waiting for him in the field.

"Can't you stay with me longer, Zelda?"

"I can only stay as long as the pain is there. But don't worry, my love, it will be over soon. I can feel it deep within my soul."

They kissed for a long time under the setting sun.

He woke up.

"My goodness," Count Meta said with a smile, "you have pushed me as far as 4 tonight."

Link let out a cry of pain.

"Not yet," he said sitting down and grabbing a pen. "Now, I want you to try doing it without thinking of her for once. Or else I may have to take another few years out of you. So, will you please tell me what you feel right now?"

Link was still whimpering from the pain.

Luigi watched and looked at the Count questioningly.

"Do not fret my dear, poor, unfortunate slave. Though you may think that he has said the same thing for the past seven nights, I know for a fact that he has told me something new every night. The cry of a man in pain is very distinct and recognizable from another. Likewise, the pain inducing a certain cry is very distinct from another. I could not expect you to be able to hear the differences in each cry of pain, but I can."

Luigi looked at him confused.

"Why my poor, decrepit slave," Count Meta continued, "I have been torturing men for years. I have heard the differences in their cries since my second year of working in the Mines of Shurobah. And don't even get me started on the cry of a woman."

Link looked at the Count with disapproving eyes.

"My poor tortured man," Count Meta started, "perhaps you have not heard of the work I have done?"

Link continued to stare.

"Well," he began, "I have spent all my days on this earth watching, observing the pain of the people around me. Since I was a boy, I watched the pain inflicted on the people in my home. I watched the pain in the people in my village, in my town. I grew fascinated by it. I started inflicting the pain as soon as I could walk. Once I started I could not stop. Now I do it for a living. I watch, inflict, observe, catalogue, the pain I come across. All these books you see around you here in the Pit, they are the products of numerous years of research and study and writing. All are of pain and suffering. It is quite a wonderful subject to study, really."

"Pig, evil cow of a monster, worthless pile of slime, you do not deserve to see the light of day. You are not even worthy of the droppings from the crows or any other foul beast in the entire world."

The Count never heard this because Link thought all these things about him. He never said a word.

Jumping back a little and over to the castle we find ourselves in the Prince's chamber. He is looking at maps and battle strategies. His desk had become cluttered with the papers and he was barely visible from beneath the stack.

Pit, the General of the Florin army walked in. Marth was so entwined in his work he did not notice.

Pit cleared his throat loudly.

Marth looked up pointed at him and then next to him.

Pit glided over to him and got down on one knee.

"Pit, as the general of my army, I trust you with this great secret," Marth looked at the door. "Killers from Gilder are conspiring with one another, conspiring to kill my wife on our wedding night. They wish to do this by infiltrating the thieves' forest and getting as many supporters as they can. I"

"Any word from Link?"

Both men stood and looked at Zelda as she stood in the doorway. She was hoping for something positive. She had been going mad waiting.

"No word yet my dear."

"He will come for me."

"Of course he will, and we will marry in two days."

Zelda narrowed her eyes and frowned. Se picked up her skirts and turned on her heel. She left just as quickly as she entered.

"I have gotten no news of this from my spy network, sire."

"She will not be murdered! I want the thieves' forest emptied and all arrested. And it will remain empty until she and I are married."

"Some of the thieves will resist the order."

"Form a brute squad then!"

"This will not be easy."

"Try ruling the world sometime."

Pit nodded and left, he had a lot of work to do and not much time to do it.

The day of the wedding before sunrise the brute squad was busy catching every man in the thieves' forest. A little past 7:30 almost everyone was out. Around 6:45 a slobbering drunk walked around the few remaining thieves as they were rounded up and thrown into the cages. He made his way to a house that was well known for its whiskey. He sat down and picked up a bottle of rum left by a panicked thief. At 7:45 a man came up to him.

"Oi, you," he snapped his fingers, "come on, you are the last one who needs to get into the cage. Get a move on."

The man pulled out a sword and swung it wildly at the intruder.

"I am waiting for Fox!"

The intruder looked at him confused.

"He told me to go back to the beginning," he nodded at his surroundings, "so I have!"

The man looked around him.

"This is where I got the job. This is where I am. This is where I'll stay!"

"You, brute come here!"

"I am waiting for Fox."

"Don't' start throwing rocks."

The man was grabbed on both shoulders and forced to stand. He took the hand of the one who pulled him up and looked at it. He compared it to his own hand. This new hand was not a hand at all, but a wing. He looked up in surprise.

"It's you."

"So true."

The other man took a step closer to the other two only to be kicked in the face.

Ike and Falco were reunited.

"You don't look too good," Falco said almost dragging Ike into the house behind them.

"Ha," Ike said into Falco's face.

"You don't smell to good either."

Ike took a second to think about it, "perhaps not. But I feel fine."

"Okay," Falco left Ike to stand on his own. That didn't happen. Ike fell to the ground no sooner had he been left on his own.

"That didn't work out so well," Falco said to himself.

He made some soup for his sick friend and fed him. As he fed Ike he told of the existence on Count Meta, the two fingered man and the death of Fox. Needless to say Ike took the news very well. He passed out into his soup.

Falco went to the well and brought in a tub of cold water and boiled another tub to make hot water. He immediately started to dunk Ike's head into either tub.

Soon, Ike was back and ready for action.

"Where is this Count Meta? So I may kill him."

"In the castle, but it's guarded by thirty men."

Ike kicked a nearby chair, "how many can you take?"

"No more then ten."

Ike stood looking at the ceiling. He got out of his daze suddenly, "that leaves twenty for me right?"

Falco nodded.

"Even at my best I could never beat that many. I need Fox to plan this for me. I can't do it alone."

"But Fox is dead."

"No," he said back in his daze, "I need thee Man in Black."

"What?"

"Look," Ike ran to him and picked him up by his shoulders, "He bested my sword skills, he bested your hard core fighting skills; he must have out-thought Fox! If he can do that, he can plot any castle raid any day!"

Ike ran out the door.

"But you don't even know where he is!"

"Don't bother me with trifles, Falco, after twenty years my father's soul will finally be at peace. There will be blood tonight!"

Back at the castle. It is not long after breakfast and Marth is polishing his sword in his chamber.

Pit walks in and bows low.

"Stand and report," Marth says examining his blade.

"The thieves' forest is empty, and thirty of my men guard the gate."

"Double it! My princess must be safe."

"The gate has only but one key," he pulled a fancy key from his side, "and I carry that."

Marth stopped listening when he heard footsteps coming down the hall, he knew them to be Zelda's.

"Ah," he said as she came into view, "my dulcet darling," he took both her hands, "tonight, we marry! Tomorrow morning your men," indicating Pit, "will escort us to the Florin channel, where every ship in my armada will escort us on our honeymoon."

"Every ship but your four fastest you mean," Zelda corrected.

Marth's smile faded.

"Every ship but the four you sent," she began to dread the worst.

"Yes," Marth tried to regain his composure, "naturally not hose four."

Pit took his leave at that point.

Zelda was not fooled by this horrid lie, "you never sent the ships. It was all a lie."

Marth remained silent.

"It doesn't matter though; Link will come for me anyway."

"You're a silly girl," Marth said returning to his sword.

Zelda was fed up with this, "Yes I am a silly girl, for not having seen sooner that you are nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear."

"Marth slammed his sword into his sheath, "I would not say such things if I were you," he warned.

"And why not, you can't hurt me. Link and I are tied by the bonds of love, and you cannot track it, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords. And when I say you are a coward, what I mean to say is that you are the slimiest, ugliest weakling ever to crawl the earth, and I hate you." =]

Marth slammed his sword down on his desk, "I would not say such things if I were you." He grabbed her arm and dragged her to her room. Once she was inside he locked the door. Then he made his way to the Pit to finish off what he had started.

He ran down the stairs and placed both hands on the table where Link lay, he was already hooked up for that night's torture.

"You truly love each other, and maybe you would have been truly happy. Not one couple in the century is blessed like that, not one." Marth got down next to Link's ear and whispered, "So no one will ever suffer as greatly as you."

Marth banged a fist on the table and reached for the lever. Count Meta watched him do so, stood, and screamed to the enraged prince, "Not to fifty!"

But it was too late. The machine was already doing its job. Link let out a cry that was so great, so painful, and so loud, that it could be heard on the farthest reaches of the kingdom. Children woke from sleep, mothers rushed to their children's side, fathers grabbed their weapons expecting some monster to appear, Zelda rushed to her window and looked as far as she could expecting some great and horrid creature to take her away and devour her soul. Ike remembered the sound most vividly.

"Falco," he stopped the bird walking behind him, "do you hear that?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"It is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Count Meta killed my father, the man in black makes it now."

"How can you be sure?"  
"His true love is marrying the prince tonight."

*Author's note*

I have no idea how Indigo knew that Buttercup was Wesley's love let alone she was marrying prince Humperdork. =] but that's what both the book and the movie say so I'm just rolling with it.

Ike made his way as fast as he could through the crowd in the little village, but to no avail.

"Falco if you'll be so kind."

Falco let out a screech through his beak which scared everyone out of their way.

"Thank you."

The two made their way to where they heard the cry of ultimate suffering, hoping that it was not too late.

Luigi was on his way to the secret entrance to the Pit of Despair with a wheelbarrow at 11:15 when a sword as big as his head stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Where is the man in black," Ike demanded.

Luigi stood silent.

"He is in the Pit, where is the entrance?"

Luigi said nothing.

"Falco, jog his memory."

Falco kicked the little man in the head and Luigi smiled. He then collapsed into the wheelbarrow.

"Sorry, Ike, I didn't mean to jog him so hard."

Ike stopped listening and started looking around. They were only a few steps away from the secret entrance through the greenhouse, but they spied the main entrance a few yards away. They walked down into the first level of the Pit of Despair at 11:20.

The first floor was easy to get through and they were soon at the second floor. This floor had various beasts such as boars. They were preoccupied and gave them little trouble. The third floor was completely dark. They soon found themselves surrounded by flapping wings and sharp fangs. They had to try to fight bats that they could not see. It took them a while but they finally made it through that level. Level four had snakes. Falco hated snakes and with good cause. The two were caught in the grip of a python that was determined to have them as their next meal. It was only through quick thinking by Falco that they were able to escape. The floors grew harder and harder the further they went. But they were at the final level by 12:45. Both were out a breath but alive. Falco saw the body and walked over to it. He put his head on the man's chest and listened.

"He's dead," he said quietly.

"Say what?" Sonic sat up in bed and stared at his grandfather.

"What what?"

"He can't be dead, he's the hero."

"I don't understand."

"Who kills off Marth? Is it Ike, who?"

"Nobody, nobody kills Marth, he lives."

"You mean he wins? For the love of, why did you read me this thing?"

"You know, you're taking this very seriously, I think we had better stop for today."

"No, I'm fine, finish it."

"Alright, alright, now where were we, oh yes, in the Pit of Despair."

"My family has never taken defeat easily. Come on Falco bring the body."

"The body?"  
"Do you have any money?"

"Yeah, I have a little."

"Let's hope it's enough to buy a miracle."

The two found the secret entrance and cursed themselves for not seeing it earlier. They then made their way to Miracle Snake's for, well, a miracle.

They had trouble getting in though.

Ike knocked on the door as hard as he could.

"Vat vat?"

"Are you Miracle Snake, the one who worked for the King all these years?"

"No, the King's stinking son fired me and thank you so much for reminding me of it. Do me a favor will ya'? Give me a paper cut pour lemon juice on it, we're closed."

The door slammed and Ike hit the door harder.

"Beat it or I'll call the brute squad!"

"I'm on the brute squad."

"You are the brute squad."

"Look," Ike jumped back into the conversation, "we need a miracle, it's very important."

"Vy vould you vant a guy the King stinking son fired, I may kill the one you want the miracle on."

"He's already dead."

"Oh he is is he? Bring 'im in I'll see vat I can do." The two did as they were told. Link was put on the table and Snake looked at him. He pressed against his stomach and lifted his arm. He then let it fall again. "I've seen woise." He told the two to wait and he went to the basement. There he found his witch. She was actually his wife, but they had been together so long that she obliged to be called his witch. For reasons we may never know.

"We have customers?" She said excitedly. She ran over to him and hugged him wildly.

"Hush," Snake whispered. "How much should I ask for?"

"No more than fifty," she ordered.

"Alright, be ready to shoo them out if they cause trouble, I don't like guys with swords."

His wife nodded and he went back to the men who were growing very impatient.

"Sir," Ike said standing and facing the man, "We are in a terrible rush so," he motioned his hands to hurry him along.

"Don't rush me sunny, you rush a miracle worker you know what you get?"

He didn't wait for a reply.

"Rotten, rotten miracles is what you get." Snake stopped looking at the man on the table and put his attention on the two men who brought the man in, "You got any money?"

"65," Ike said holding out a bag.

"Phew," Snake said waving his hand, "I never worked for so little, except once, and that was a very noble cause."

"This is noble sir," Ike said taking a step toward the table and looking at the man, "his wife is crippled, his ten children are on the verge of starvation a—"

"Boy are you a vrotten liar," Snake interrupted.

"I need him to help me avenge my father," Ike said getting close to Snake, "Murdered these twenty years!"

"Your first story was better."

Snake got up and called to no one, "Where's that Bellows at?"

Snake walked over to the fire place, "He probably owes you money eh? Well I'll ask him."

That caught Ike off guard. "He's dead, he can't talk."

"Ooh, hoo hoo hoo hoo, look who's so smart eh? Well it turns out that your friend is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between being mostly dead, and all dead. Eah, eah," he nudged Ike's arm a little, "never mind, open his mouth."

Ike did as he was told and the bellows was placed inside.

"Now mostly dead," he began again, "he's slightly alive," he began to pump air into his stomach. "Now if he's all dead, there's only one thing you can do…"

"What's that," Falco asked.

"Look through his pockets for loose change," Snake laughed to himself and pulled the bellows out. He then held up his finger as if telling Ike to stop talking, "Hey," Snake called into Link's ear, "hello in there? What's so important? What do you have here that's worth living for?"

Ike and Falco leaned in waiting for an answer. Snake walked away to talk to his wife about some tea.

"Shouldn't you stay to listen to what he has to say," Falco asked.

"Naw," Snake said turning, "it will take a while before my question gets to his brain, and it will take time for the answer to come out of his mouth."

Ike and Falco looked at each other in despair. It was now 1:30. It was not until 2:05 that they heard something from the table. The men were in a rousing game of slap jack when they heard a voice say softly, "troolub."

The three men stood and looked at each other.

"Troolub? What's that, Ike," Falco asked.

"True love," Ike turned to Snake, "You wanted a noble cause to help us, and how much more noble a cause do you need than true love?"

"Sonny," Snake began, "true love is the most wonderful thing in the woild." He stopped and thought a little bit, "except for a nice MLT, mutton, lettuce, and tomato vere the mutton is nice and lean, but anyway, he said, 'to blave,' and we all know to blave means to bluff, so you must have been playing cards and he cheated an—"

"Liar, liar, liar!" I tall blonde woman ran from a back room pointing and screaming at Snake, "Liar!"

"Get back vitch," Snake said turning from her.  
"I'm not a vitch, I'm your vife. But after vat you just said, I'm not sure I vant to even be that anymore!"

"You never had it so good!"

"True love, he said true love Snake!"

"Don't say another void Samus."

"He's afraid," Samus looked at the two men, then her husband, "Ever since Prince Marth fired him his confidence is shattered—"

"Vy did you say zat name," Snake interrupted, "you promised me you vould never say zat name ever again!"

"Vat? Marth?"

"Neah!"

"Marth"

"Neah"

"Marth"

"Neah"

"Marth, Marth, Marth!"

"I'm not listening!"

"Her love's life is expiring, and you don't even have the decency to say why you won't help!"

"Nobody's hoid nothin'."

"Marth"

"Neah!"

"Marth"

"Neah"

"Marth"

"Neah"

"This is Zelda's true love," Ike pushed in, "you heal him, he will stop Marth's wedding!"

"Neah," Snake said one last time to stop his wife, "you mean I fix him Marth suffers?"

Ike leaned over the table to Snake and Samus, "humiliations galore!"

"hahaha, High diddle lick de liny shan! Zat is a noble cause! Give me the 65, I'm on the job!"

Samus cheered.

Snake sent the two guests on a hunt for the ingredients as he made preparations at the house. Ike had to go and battle a giant bird for its eggs and Falco had to go into a volcano to get a rare white Pande Lilly from deep within. It was 4:30 when the ingredients were being put into the pot to make the Miracle Pill.

*Author's note*

I watched that one scene about twenty times trying to figure out what he said. I decided it was Jewish so I just put in what I heard. After hearing it so many times, it sounded like what I gave you right here. At first it sounded like "I'm gonna lick the little shine," and that made no sense. =] If you think I should make up my own little diddy or you know what he says there, please let me know in the reviews. I will fix it . As for right now, though, hahaha, I love Miracle Max! Oh, and the quest Indigo and Fezzik go on to get the ingredients actually happened in the book… what they actually got is a different story so I felt like doing a little splash of Avatar 3 ~

Falco watched as Samus spread chocolate on the pill. It was a very large pill, but after all the work they did in order to get it, it seemed very small.

"That's the Miracle pill?" Ike put Falco's thoughts into words.

"The chocolate makes it go down easier," said Samus as Snake blew on it.

"Now, don't go swimming after taking the pill for over an hour."

"How long will it work, Snake?"

"It will work for an hour after full potency takes effect."

"Thank you so much, Falco, get the body."

"Bye-bye boys," Samus called after them from the door.

"Have fun storming the castle," Snake put his arm around her.

Once the men were out a hearing range Samus looked at Snake, "Do you think it will work?"

"It'll take a miracle," the two waved again to the men, "buh-bye!"

It was 5 o'clock when the three stood on a wall facing the castle gate. They laid Link down on the wall and Ike got out the pill.

"How are we supposed to give it to him," Falco asked.

"We'll have to force feed him."

Back at Miracle Snake's house Samus sat on Snake's lap and they counted the money. Samus fell to the ground as Snake stood suddenly.

"What was that for?"

"We told them that the pill will work an hour after full potency, but I forgot that because of their rush I had to lessen the potency. It won't work for a full hour, only half an hour at best!"

Samus stood and set her husband back down on the chair, "These are very capable men, Snake, they will be fine."

Snake hoped for the sake of getting his revenge that Samus was right.

The three sat on the wall. Ike forced the pill down Link's throat and they both sat and waited. It was not a few seconds after the pill went down that his eyes opened.

"I'll tear you apart, I'll take you both together!"

Falco put his hand over Link's mouth, "I guess our wait wasn't that long after all."

He removed his hand.

"Why won't my arms move, who are you, where am I, where's Zelda."

"Let me explain," Ike began, "No, too much, let me sum it up for you. Zelda's going to be married in forty five minutes, you will help me make a plan to get into the castle, stop the wedding, kill Count Meta, and get out."

"The castle is guarded by sixty men now," said Falco worried.

"What does it matter," said Ike pointing to Link, "We have him."

Falco shrugged in agreement.

"That doesn't give us much time to doddle," he tapped his finger on his chest.

"You just wiggled your finger, that's wonderful."

"In my line of work you have to be able to heal quickly or else you can't survive anywhere. What are our assets?"

"Your brains, Falco's fighting skills, my blade."

"Impossible, if I had a month to plan then maybe, but this," he shook his head.

"You just shook your head," said Falco excitedly, "doesn't that make you happy?"

Link turned his head to Falco, "My brains, your fighting skills and his blade is all we have to take an entire castle in an forty-five minutes. You think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy hmm?"

Falco continued to smile.

"Now if we only had a wheelbarrow that would be something."

Ike thought of something, "Where did we put the wheelbarrow the little Italian man had?"  
"With the Italian man I think."

Link rolled his eyes, "Why couldn't you have mentioned that among our assets in the first place? If only we had a holocaust cloak."

"There we cannot help you."

"Will this work," Falco pulled out a cloak from his jacket.

"Where did you get that," Ike asked.

"When I had to go to the volcano, it fit so nice; Snake said I could keep it."

"Alright, alright, help me up," said Link. The three men made their way to the garden where they would collect themselves and prepare for the onslaught that night. In the mean time, Link was slowly gaining more and more strength.

By 5:45 the three were ready to begin.

"I think the pill has taken its full effect, as best as it could at least," said Link pulling himself up a little.

"We have to go now, you have an hour before it drops out completely," Ike said with a nervous sigh.

"Its okay, Ike," Falco reassured, "You'll get him. Then you can finally be happy. I like it when you're happy."

Ike looked at his kind friend and smiled a weak and sheepish smile. The three nodded to each other and put their hands together.

"Let it begin," Link said as Falco put on the holocaust cloak and gave a thumb up to the other two.

Ike pushed the wheelbarrow along and Link held on to his neck. Falco stood in the wheelbarrow and made himself look as scary as could be.

At 5:15 Zelda and Marth sat in the Prince's chambers. Marth was helping Zelda put on her necklace.

"You don't seem excited my dear," Marth said fastening the necklace.

"Should I be," said Zelda calmly.

"Brides often are, I'm told."

Zelda stood and looked at Marth coldly, "I will not marry; my Link will save me."

After she walked out of the room Marth couldn't help but smile to himself. He knew that he had killed Link. There was nothing stopping him from completing his plan now.

At 5:45 the wedding ceremony had begun. The bride and groom were before the priest.

The priest, Priest Wolf, had lost most of his hearing a long time ago and as a result he had a slight lisp that played into everything he said.

After the taking of Communion Wolf told the people to rise. He folded his hands softly and smiled at the two lovers with a big toothy smile. He then began.

"Mawage," he looked to the audience, "mawage is what bwings us togeva today."

Zelda held back a giggle.

"Mawage, that bwessed awangement. That dweam, wivin a dweam."

People suddenly heard the sound of Pit's wings flapping and his calling out, "stand your ground men, stand your ground!"

Zelda turned and gave a small and coy smile to herself and regained her composure. Queen Peach rubbed her temples and let out a sigh, "Why at every single social even such as this someone has to cause trouble. First it was that little pink, thing, at the gala. Then it was that little Italian man with the green hat at the tea party. Now something else at the main gate. If only Mario were young again, he would put a stop to this nonsense."

Zelda bit her lip in amusement.

Twenty feet away from the main gate a great, tall, and dark figure stood facing the guards of the gate. Smoke billowed everywhere. The men were trying their hardest to stand their ground after seeing such a horrid thing.

They all took a step back when the thing moved forward.

"I am the great Dread Pirate Bowser. There will be NO survivors. It is true, I am here, but soon, you will not be here!" The men were all the time stepping further and further back watching in horror as it came forth with smoke all around. Not a single man stayed when the figure caught fire and shouted, "The Dread Pirate Bowser is here, all your worst nightmares are about to come true. The Dread Pirate Bowser is here for your SOULS!"

Pit landed and tried to get the men to stay, "Stand your ground you coward!"

Once all but Pit were standing in front of the gate the three removed their disguises and ran to the gate.

"Shut the Gate! Shut it I say," Pit called to the men on the wall. Before it could fall all the way Ike grabbed it and pushed it back up. Link, Falco, and Ike cornered the angel.

"Give us the gate key," Link demanded.

"I… umm… uh," Pit stammered.

"Falco, shoot his wings off," Ike ordered.

"Oh, you mean this Gate key," said Pit laughing nervously.

At 5:50 the three raced down the hallways looking for where the wedding was being held.

At that same time Zelda and Marth were growing tired of listening to Priest Wolf talk.

"And Wave, true wave," Marth motioned to Count Meta to see what was going on, "will fowow you forewa."

In the mean time Ike led Link and Falco down a long hallway. At 5:54 Count Meta and his men almost ran straight into the three heroes.

Count Meta looked at the intruders carefully. He immediately recognized Link but not the other two.

"Kill the dark one and the bird, but leave the third for questioning," he said coolly.

The guards rushed at the men and Ike made quick work of them. He sliced every man who stood between him and this new foe. His search was over.

"Hello, my name is Ike of Crimean; you killed my father, prepare to die," Ike held the huge sword in one hand and prepared for battle.

Marth grabbed Zelda's hand and began to put the ring on it just as they heard a ruckus a few halls down. It was 5:57.

"Here comes my Link now."

Marth looked hard at her, "Your, Link, is dead. I killed him myself."

Zelda was not fooled, "Then why is there fear behind your eyes?"

Count Meta held his own sword ready for battle for just one second. He then took off running in the other direction.

"And do you Pwincess Welda," Priest Wolf began.

"Man and wife, say man and wife!" The Prince ordered angrily.

"Man and wife," Priest Wolf obliged.

Zelda turned to the priest in shock and horror. That was it. They were married. She was given away to another even though she wanted to be with Link forever and always. It was too late. She could never be with Link now. She held back the tears as best as she could. Nothing would help her now.

"Escort the bride to the honeymoon suite, I'll be there shortly," Marth ordered King Mario and Queen Peach.

Peach rolled her eyes and led the two down the aisle.

"He didn't make it," said Zelda choking back her tears.

Ike wasted no time in making chase after the pitiful man. He ran down a hallway just in time to see Meta slam a door shut. Ike ran to it and began to hit it furiously.

"Falco, I need you!"

"I can't leave him alone," he heard from the next hall over.

"He's getting away Falco, please!"

In a few moments Falco was flying toward him. All the while Ike was truing to open the door. Falco stopped him and shut the door once, disintegrating it immediately.

Ike nodded, "Thank you."

"Strangea' wedding," King Mario said to his company.

"Yes, a very strange wedding," said Peach with her eyes glazed over in memories, she shook them away quickly, "come along," she said and swiftly walked away.

Zelda stopped Mario. She bent slightly and kissed him on the cheek.

"Whata' wasa' that for?"

"Because you've always been so kind to me. And I'm afraid I'll never see you again. because I'm killing myself once we get to the honeymoon suite," Zelda said calmly.

"Won't that be nice," said Mario grinning. They continued walking and Mario pointed to Zelda excitedly, "She kissed me!"

Zelda smiled a little to herself but the sadness was more than she could bear.

At 5:58 Falco walked back to where he left Link to help his friend and found nothing. He had no idea what to do now. He was alone again and very sad.

Likewise Ike raced after his prey at break-neck speed. Just before they reached a dining hall Count Meta pulled out a dagger. He ran to the other side of the dining hall and waited.

Once Ike came into view Meta threw the dagger. He hit his target. Ike felt the blade go right into his stomach. He fell back against the wall. He had been defeated already.

"I'm sorry father," he said quietly, "I tried. I tried."  
Count Meta walked up to his foe with a small smile on his face, "You must be that little Crimean brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. Have you been chasing me all these years only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I ever heard. How marvelous."

Ike cringed in pain and held onto the knife with all his might as he fell to the ground at 6:01.

Zelda walked into the room and looked at every hunting knife in Marth's collection. She chose the sharpest and longest dagger she could find. It was beautifully made. She took the dagger and walked over to the window overlooking the road that would lead to her home. Where she first met Link. She held the dagger to her chest and held her breath.

All hope was lost.

Falco was alone.

Ike was dying.

Link was lost, probably captured.

And Zelda was married to another.

Just as the dagger was about to pierce her skin Zelda heard a voice. Was it in her mind?

"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours."

Zelda thought for one second that it was a dream but as soon as she turned in to face the bed all her dreams came true. There in the darkness laid her love.

Link had a sword at his side and a come-and-get-me smile on his face.

Zelda dropped the dagger and ran to him. She jumped on him and began to kiss him wildy.

"Oh, Link! You did come! I knew you would!"

"Oh my dearest Zelda," Link said softly.

After a dozen kisses or more Zelda felt like something was off, "Link, why won't you hold me?"

"Gently my love," he said softly again.

"At a time like this," she said rubbing her fingers through his hair and kissing his cheek and lips, "that's all you can say? Gently my love?"

She pulled his head up to her and kissed his lips again.

"Gently," Link said more demandingly.

Zelda dropped his head and they heard a thump as it hit the headboard.

Link moaned in pain for a second.

Zelda looked at him worried.

At 6:03 Ike pulled the dagger out of his stomach and shoved his hand into the wound to stop the bleeding.

"My goodness," Meta said mildly surprised, "are you still trying to win?"

Ike took a step forward and fell against the wall again.

"You have an overdeveloped sense of vengeance," Meta stood upright and prepared to kill him quickly, "It's going to get you into trouble someday."

Meta attempted to stab Ike two times. Each time Ike diverted the blows to hit him in the arms.

Meta swung again. This time Ike stopped the blows easily. He took a few steps forward again.

"Hello, my name is Ike of Crimean, you killed my father, prepare to die," he fell against the table.

Meta swung again at Ike, this time Ike stood tall and stopped every strike.

"Hello, my name is Ike of Crimean, you killed my father, prepare to die," he said softly.

Meta began to swing wildly at Ike.

"Hello, my name is Ike of Crimean, you killed my father, prepare to die," he said even louder.

"Stop saying that!"

Ike stabbed Meta's arms in the exact same place as he was stabbed.

"Hello, my name is Ike of Crimean, you killed my father, prepare to die," he pushed Meta against the tables. He soon disarmed the man.

"Offer me money," he said slicing Meta's face.

"Yes," Meta said pleadingly.

"Power too, offer me that!" He sliced the other side of his face.

"All that I have and more please."

"Offer me everything I ask for," he said triumphantly.

"Anything you want," he tried one last time to kill Ike only to get a large sword in his stomach.

Ike looked him hard in the face and said, "I want my father back you son of a."

Ike kicked the man to the ground. Dead.

Ike then sighed, his hunt was over. He had succeeded. He ran to the exit to find his friends.

At 6:04 Zelda still laid on Link.

"Oh, Link will you ever forgive me?"

"What hideous sin have you committed lately," Link said half jokingly.

"I got married, I didn't want to. It all happened so fast."

"Never happened."

"What?"

"It never happened."

"It did, I was there. This old man said 'man and wife.'"

We cannot forget what our favorite Prince is up to now can we? While all this chivalry and great deeds of valor were going on inside the castle, Marth was wandering around the castle grounds in muddy boots stolen from Guilder. He had it sorted, once he bravely and nobly killed his unsuspecting wife in mortal combat, he would track down the murderer and discover the muddy footprints of Guilderean boots. Then they would go to war for a very good and noble reason. At 6:05 he was done with his task and looked as if nothing had happened.

"Did you say 'I do?'"

Zelda looked at Link with eyes glazed over in her recollection of a few moments ago, "Well, no. We actually skipped that part."

"Then you were never married. You didn't say it, you didn't do it."

Zelda smiled knowing that she was able to be with Link forever now.

"Won't you agree your highness," Link said to the doorway.

Zelda sat up and looked to the door where a furious Marth stood with sword drawn.

"A minor detail I'm about to erase. To the death," he said walking toward his prey.

"NO," called out the 'prey', "To the pain."

Marth looked around a little as if trying to catch a wayward memory, "I'm sorry, I'm not quite familiar with that phrase."

"I'll explain, and I'll use small words so you might be able to understand you warthog-faced-buffoon."

Marth was caught off guard with that one, "I do believe that is the first time anyone has dared insult me in such a manner."

"It won't be the last," said Link matter-of-factly. "To the pain means this: the first thing you loose will be your feet below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists, and next your nose."

"And then my tongue I suppose I killed you too quickly the last time a mistake I do not intend to duplicate tonight," Marth began to walk toward Link.

"I wasn't finished. The next thing you loose will be your left eye followed by your right."

"And then my ears I understand let's get on with it—"

"Wrong! Your ears you keep and I tell you why: so that every shriek of every child of seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman that cries out 'dear God what is that thing,' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

Marth stood in silence for a few moments, "I think you're bluffing," he said at last.

"It's possible, pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all."

Marth watched in horror as Link stood up and raised his sword to the Prince.

"Drop… your… sword!"

Marth did as he was told.

"Have a seat," Link motioned to a chair.

Marth obeyed.

"Tie him up," he said to Zelda, who was more than happy to take curtain cord and wrap it around the defenseless man.

Ike ran down a hall and heard Link speak to Zelda, "Make it as tight as you want."

He laughed to himself as he heard Marth grunt in pain.

Ike walked into the honeymoon suite to see Zelda stand after tying the Prince at 6:16.

"Where is Falco," Ike asked.

"I thought he was with you," said Link falling a little.

"Help him," Ike said to Zelda.

"Why does Link need helping?"

"Because he has no strength to stand. That was a quick hour."

"I knew he was bluffing I knew he was," Marth turned to see Ike pointing his great sword at his face, "bluffing."

"Should I dispatch him for you?"

"Thank you but no, whatever happens to us I want him to live a long life alone in his cowardice."

Ike nodded in agreement.

"Ike," a voice called out from below the window, "Ike where are you?"

The three went to the window and looked out at a bird man below.

"There you are… I got lost and found myself in the Prince's stables, and there they were, four white horses. I thought, there are four of us, if we ever found the lady," Falco waved to Zelda, "hello lady. So I took them, if we were ever to meet up again. I guess we just did."

Ike smiled widely, "Falco, you did something right."

"Don't worry, I won't let it go to my head."

Zelda stood on the windowsill and jumped. She landed in the man's arms and got onto the horse. She smiled and waved Link and Ike down after her.

Just before Link jumped to his love Ike stopped him.

"You know, I've been in the revenge business for so long, now that it's over I don't know what to do with my life."

Link put his hand on Ike's shoulder, "Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Bowser."

Link fell out the window and was put on a horse. Ike smiled to himself and said, "Dread Pirate Bowser… I could do that."

The four made their way out the castle gate and on to freedom. And as dawn rose the next morning, Link and Zelda knew they were safe. And as they reached for each other with the rising sun behind them, nothing in the entire world could compare to the beauty coming from their love.

"The End," said Grandpa closing the book.

Sonic looked at his grandfather with a big grin on his face.

Grandpa rolled his eyes, "Now I think you better go to sleep."

"Okay," said Sonic getting under the covers.

"Okay, okay," said Grandpa checking his pockets and grabbing his jacket. "Farewell."

"Hey grandpa?"

Grandpa turned to Sonic.

"Maybe you can come over and read it to me again tomorrow."

Grandpa smiled, "As you wish."

He turned off the lights and walked out of the room.

The curtain fell and the cast walked out on stage.

Everyone in the crowd cheered as everyone came out and took their bows. The cheers grew loudest of all when Link kissed Zelda and tipped her backward. Ganondorf groaned.

After the play everyone said how wonderful it was and how glad they were that the Smashers did it.

"'Twas nothin'," said Captain Falcon with a smile.

Everyone agreed that it was the best rendition of _The Princess Bride_ they had ever seen.

Link and Zelda agreed.

By the end of the week all eight of the kids were well again. But they never stopped talking about the play and how good it was. Everyone was shocked to hear that Roy actually went out and read the book.

No more plays were put on in Smash Mansion until the case of the stomach flu caught all the adult Smashers by surprise. All the other Smashers and even some Melee buffs put on a play based on the book _Through the Looking Glass_ for everyone. Let's just say that it was not as good as "The Princess Bride."


End file.
